India is an “All or Nothing” country. This can best be summed up by how my friend Sam’s host brother explained it, “In India either everything is allowed or nothing is allowed”. All 5 of us Americans agreed that this was extremely inquisitive of him to say because I don’t think any of us would have been able to come to that conclusion even after a whole year.
Our experience from last week in Mandu and Maheshwar is a perfect example of this “All or Nothing” theory. We were walking around in centuries old historic structures and people were climbing all over them and littering, but before you entered the site (if it had religious significance) your shoes had to be removed and left at the entrance. I tried my best in my last post to explain the historic significance of each place we visited but I think most of it may have been lost in translation. Basically, from what I’ve seen Indian history is “All or Nothing” in the sense that you know everything about an artifact down to the date it was constructed, who made it, who it was made for, and how many wives they had. Or you could simply know that a structure or artifact was really old, probably older than most surrounding things and it existed so a folklore tale was told to explain the unknown.
I was talking about the perception of love and marriage with my host sisters and came to the same conclusion. Most Indians may have arranged marriages after they finish their schooling when they are ready to settle down. Although, if you happen to have fallen in love with a person or have a significant other you can present them to your family and if you family approves then you may marry. The only tricky part about this is that dating is not a social norm in India. If students at Daly College are dating they keep it a secret from their peers, teachers, and parents, thus it’s hard to develop a deep relationship and know if you are in love. When it comes down to getting married and you are faced with the decision of having an arranged marriage or choosing to present your current crush to your parents. You have to decide if you really think you love this person from what little interaction and time you’ve spent together or break it off and accept that love comes after arrangement. There is the stereotype in the West that arranged marriages are an awful thing that produces unhappy people and it’s a tradition that is outdated. But I have not met any girl here who struggles with the idea of an arranged marriage. It is an accepted idea that you will grow up to be married and that love will develop after you have been wed. Just like anything arranged marriages have their pros and cons. The great thing about them if your Indian is that you don’t have to worry about finding “the one” and you are guaranteed to have a good future. Indian society also does not place a heavy emphasis on love and emotions in comparison to the West, it is simply another part of life that is expected from all. The not so great things about arranged marriages are that some people who strive living a single life or who identify as homosexual are getting the short end of the stick. India, as a more conservative society has the cards stacked against those who are homosexual or just like being single.
On another note I celebrated my first Hindu holiday! This Saturday was Raksha Bundhan, a holiday celebrated by brothers and sisters. On this holiday sisters tie “rakhis” or bracelets/holy threads on their brothers’ right hand. This signifies a promise by the brother to always provide and protect for his sister. In exchange the brother usually gives his sister money or some chocolate to prove his promise to provide. The process of tying a rakhi on your bother consists of first placing a coconut in his right hand, making the tika and rice on his forehead, tying his rakhi on his wrist, then feeding him a sweet.I sent rakhis back home to my little brother Logan and my two cousins, Josh and James. In India all cousins are siblings so my cousin brothers are included in the party! My host sisters and I decided to be progressive and tie rakhis for each other, on the older sister. Muskan tied one on me, I tied one on Rajana, I gave Muskan a few rupees, and Ranjana gifted me a kurti. We decided that boys aren't the only ones who can take care of their sisters. Older sisters can fill those shoes also! To celebrate, my family had my dad’s sister over to tie her rakhi on my dad and my mom’s cousin brother over then we went over to my mom’s brother’s house so she could tie his rakhi. Rasha Bundan is an Indian holiday like any other that involved food and lots of it at all hours of the day. I’m not complaining everything was delicious and I maybe ate 3 slices of fried bread. I don’t regret anything.
Our experience from last week in Mandu and Maheshwar is a perfect example of this “All or Nothing” theory. We were walking around in centuries old historic structures and people were climbing all over them and littering, but before you entered the site (if it had religious significance) your shoes had to be removed and left at the entrance. I tried my best in my last post to explain the historic significance of each place we visited but I think most of it may have been lost in translation. Basically, from what I’ve seen Indian history is “All or Nothing” in the sense that you know everything about an artifact down to the date it was constructed, who made it, who it was made for, and how many wives they had. Or you could simply know that a structure or artifact was really old, probably older than most surrounding things and it existed so a folklore tale was told to explain the unknown.
I was talking about the perception of love and marriage with my host sisters and came to the same conclusion. Most Indians may have arranged marriages after they finish their schooling when they are ready to settle down. Although, if you happen to have fallen in love with a person or have a significant other you can present them to your family and if you family approves then you may marry. The only tricky part about this is that dating is not a social norm in India. If students at Daly College are dating they keep it a secret from their peers, teachers, and parents, thus it’s hard to develop a deep relationship and know if you are in love. When it comes down to getting married and you are faced with the decision of having an arranged marriage or choosing to present your current crush to your parents. You have to decide if you really think you love this person from what little interaction and time you’ve spent together or break it off and accept that love comes after arrangement. There is the stereotype in the West that arranged marriages are an awful thing that produces unhappy people and it’s a tradition that is outdated. But I have not met any girl here who struggles with the idea of an arranged marriage. It is an accepted idea that you will grow up to be married and that love will develop after you have been wed. Just like anything arranged marriages have their pros and cons. The great thing about them if your Indian is that you don’t have to worry about finding “the one” and you are guaranteed to have a good future. Indian society also does not place a heavy emphasis on love and emotions in comparison to the West, it is simply another part of life that is expected from all. The not so great things about arranged marriages are that some people who strive living a single life or who identify as homosexual are getting the short end of the stick. India, as a more conservative society has the cards stacked against those who are homosexual or just like being single.
On another note I celebrated my first Hindu holiday! This Saturday was Raksha Bundhan, a holiday celebrated by brothers and sisters. On this holiday sisters tie “rakhis” or bracelets/holy threads on their brothers’ right hand. This signifies a promise by the brother to always provide and protect for his sister. In exchange the brother usually gives his sister money or some chocolate to prove his promise to provide. The process of tying a rakhi on your bother consists of first placing a coconut in his right hand, making the tika and rice on his forehead, tying his rakhi on his wrist, then feeding him a sweet.I sent rakhis back home to my little brother Logan and my two cousins, Josh and James. In India all cousins are siblings so my cousin brothers are included in the party! My host sisters and I decided to be progressive and tie rakhis for each other, on the older sister. Muskan tied one on me, I tied one on Rajana, I gave Muskan a few rupees, and Ranjana gifted me a kurti. We decided that boys aren't the only ones who can take care of their sisters. Older sisters can fill those shoes also! To celebrate, my family had my dad’s sister over to tie her rakhi on my dad and my mom’s cousin brother over then we went over to my mom’s brother’s house so she could tie his rakhi. Rasha Bundan is an Indian holiday like any other that involved food and lots of it at all hours of the day. I’m not complaining everything was delicious and I maybe ate 3 slices of fried bread. I don’t regret anything.